Silent Treatment Page 15

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Sarah awoke from a dream that she knew had been influenced by what she was going to do today. It had involved her father and a family trip, with the children and Helen appearing as well.

  After her morning routines she was soon gulping down the last of her coffee. It was her second cup of the morning, one normally sufficed but this morning she felt the need of an extra boost. As she shuffled herself and her papers into the car, she felt more in need of someone to discuss things with than normal.

  When she had studied for her degree, there had inevitably been a section on Freud's dream analysis. Which was fine by her and she had gained respectable marks. But she had never been convinced that there was much validity to it. Everything could be explained away with rational thought. She was working hard. There was considerable pressure on her. The children, whether she wanted it or not, were now a large part of her life. And of course there was her father. It was only natural that they should be in her mind.

  And yet, after the dream she was feeling more and more that the idea of a trip for the children would be a good idea. Was she being guided by her dreams? Perhaps she was merely working through her problems in her dreams. Maybe it was a no risk way of subconsciously trying out different scenarios in her head.

  The media vans approached in the distance and she realised that she had driven nearly the whole distance from her house to work without noticing anything, she had been so deep in thought. She quickly looked up into the mirror, checking that there wasn't a trail of destruction behind her. The roads looked perfectly normal and she let out a relieved sigh.

  As she parked her car, she considered that it was all very well coming to the conclusion that a trip away from the institute would be a good idea; but there were a couple of problems she would have to work out. Where exactly to take them – she would have to be careful, it couldn't be anywhere too public. The second problem was how on earth she would sneak them out past the media throng?

  As she stumbled through the entrance, the papers that she had been clutching in a death grip to stop them falling, decided to slide down to the floor. That was all she needed. She bent down to start to gather them back together when an arm appeared and was followed shortly by a uniform that she recognised. It belonged to Gary.

  'So much for a paperless office,' said Gary with a smile.

  Sarah gratefully accepted the pile of papers that Gary had collected.

  'Busy day ahead Sarah?' said Gary.

  She wanted to say 'Planning how to sneak out four children under the noses of the world's media.'

  But she sufficed with a bland 'Oh the usual Gary.'

  He smiled again as he said 'I shouldn't think you have that many usual days do you.'

  She continued her journey to her office, and she dropped the papers on the desk and slumped into her chair.

  As she looked up, she could see Helen was already there. No surprise there. But she was slightly surprised to see that John was already here as well. He usually drifted in a good hour after Helen.

  Sarah had reached a conclusion whilst she had been driving. It was a conclusion that she felt very uncomfortable about. But she felt she had no choice. She had decided to tell Helen about the trip for the children. She realised she couldn't do it all on her own.

  She hadn't reckoned on John being in already. So she waited until John had got up to go to get a drink, which he did with great regularity.

  Sarah sidled up to Helen's desk and said in a voice she judged was just loud enough for her to hear 'Could we have a meeting please Helen.'

  Helen looked up from her desk and said in a voice every bit as quiet as Sarah's 'That's fine. Should we wait for John?'

  Sarah lowered her voice even more, she wondered if Helen would even be able to hear it. She whispered 'It's okay, we don't need John.'

  Sarah found herself looking around, subtly she hoped, to see if John was there. She didn't feel good about this, John had never done anything that she had seen to show he was disloyal at all. It was just that she was feeling reticent about involving Helen, and adding John into the mix just seemed a step too far. She could at least control Helen to some degree.

  Sarah indicated that they should go to the meeting room and they both set off, trying to appear casual.

  It was with some relief that after Helen had closed the door, they both slid into their chairs.

  Sarah wasn't sure how to start, so she just jumped in.

  'I've decided to take the children on a trip away from the institute.'

  Helen looked at Sarah completely nonplussed.

  'Is that wise? Or even possible?' said Helen eventually.

  This was the first time she had been asked to justify her decision to anyone else but herself.

  She decided to deal with the second question first.

  'I haven't got a clear plan just yet.'

  Helen nodded and then said 'Where are we going to take them?'

  Sarah had hoped to have a few moments to gather her thoughts, and hopefully actually think of some places. 'Well, I'm open to suggestions,' said Sarah.

  Helen looked thoughtfully for a moment. And then said 'How about the zoo?'

  'We may have problems with it being such a public space. Too many people about,' replied Sarah.

  Helen nodded slightly. 'How did you come up with this idea then?' said Helen.

  Sarah almost said 'It came to me in a dream' but stopped herself. But her next thought wasn't much better 'Nathan suggested it' sounded just as bad.

  She spoke slowly as she said 'I think that they have become too used to the routine in here. We arrange sessions for them. They keep up their silence. We arrange another session. They maintain their silence. It's just a routine and aside from the journals, we don't make any real progress.'

  Helen nodded again.

  'I fear that they might be becoming what we used to call “Institutionalised”.'

  'So if we take them out of this routine, they would lose the routine of not talking?' said Helen.

  'Or at least their guard might be down and we can start some form of a dialogue,' replied Sarah.

  'It would at least change the way the game is being played,' said Helen.

  Her phrase took Sarah aback. She turned the word ‘game’ over in her mind a couple of times.

  'Do you think we are in some sort of a game then?' said Sarah.

  'Sorry, maybe I didn’t choose my words carefully enough. I just meant that maybe we sometimes forget they are still children. Maybe they are acting like children sometimes, and we mistake it for adult behaviour.'

  'Well if we are all playing a game, we certainly aren't winning are we!' said Sarah.

  'Maybe it is time to change the rules of the game a little then,' said Helen.

  'Now where to take them?' said Sarah as she began racking her brains for what she would have liked as a teenager. Unfortunately, she had been the type of child that would have been happy with a good book or maybe a visit to the library. She suspected that teenage minds may need more than that nowadays.

  They both sat there in silence, before Helen began to speak slowly as she seemed to drag a memory into her consciousness.

  'There's an old monument, it's a few miles away, but my dad used to take me there. There's not much left really, perhaps that's why hardly anyone goes there. You need to use your imagination to see that there used to be anything there at all.'

  'Do you have to pay to get in?' said Sarah.

  Helen looked puzzled at the question.

  'No, no, I didn't mean that we couldn't afford it. I was thinking that if you have to pay, then there will be someone to take the money.'

  'Oh, no, there's no problem there. It's all open. I guess they couldn't really justify charging for it, there being not much left.'

  'Sounds as good as we are going to get,' said Sarah.

  'I think that will do for the moment Helen. I really appreciate your help in this.'

  Helen smiled appreciative
ly and got up out of her chair.

  As Helen closed the door behind her, Sarah leaned back in her chair.

  So they had decided the venue. That was the easy part, though it hadn't felt easy. Sarah's mind was already starting to wonder how exactly they would sneak out the most famous children in the world right under the noses of half of the world's media. The one thing she realised was that she would need more help.

  As Helen left the meeting room, she couldn't keep the smile from her face. She was being taken into the confidence of Sarah and that was exactly where she knew she needed to be. She was almost looking forward to the phone call she would have to make later. And, almost incredibly, she had got to name the place where it would all happen. It couldn't have gone any better.

  As she walked back to her desk she began to wonder how Sarah would actually manage it. To get the children out under the noses of the media would be almost impossible. She would certainly need help. And that help certainly wasn't going to come from John. Sarah had been quite explicit about that. But where else could it come from? She was sure that Sarah wasn't going to mention anything to the director.

  Sarah sat at her desk, she wondered what the director would think of the idea? No, that was a lie, she knew exactly what the director would think and she could picture him saying exactly what he thought in great detail. Was she brave enough to go out on a complete limb and take full responsibility herself? But she was convinced that it was a good idea. The best hope for the children, and Helen agreed with her. The children even seemed to think it was a good idea. Hell, even her dreams seemed to suggest it was a good idea! Was she really resorting to counting on her dreams?

  And then there was the problem of John.

  John stood up from his desk and sauntered out of the office. He did this quite frequently during the day. Sarah wondered if he had to make a personal call or something; the sort of call you don't want to make in front of your work colleagues. Or maybe he popped out for a smoke? But she knew the institute had a strict policy on smoking on the premises, so she dismissed that.

  Sarah was closer to the truth than she may have thought, or at least she was today.

  As John made his way through the institute, he could feel the small hard packet pressing against his leg. It had been so long since he had bought any; he wasn't prepared for how much things had changed. He had felt almost like a criminal; almost apologetically asking to buy them. He had last bought cigarettes about five years ago and buying these had been a strange experience. First of all the damn things had been hidden in a closed cabinet. This had the unfortunate effect of meaning that after he had asked the assistant to open the draw so he could buy some, he had not had time to pick out any brand to buy. It had meant that he had asked for 'the ones over there' pointing vaguely to the top shelf. The assistant had moved her finger across the shelf until at a random moment John had said 'They're the ones,' as if he had meant them all along. He was in for his next shock when she told him how much they were. He had to delve back into his wallet to retrieve another note.

  From his office John had a good view of the corridor and a good view of the door that led out into the small courtyard. He also had a good view of the comings goings of Gary. He hadn't thought anything of it, his almost hourly ritual, but in his line of work it paid to be observant. You never knew when a snippet of information might come in useful later. And now as he walked down the corridor towards the door, was the time for it to be useful.

  He could gauge Gary's location by the steadily rising plume of smoke.

  As John came around the corner Gary turned round, dropping the cigarette by his side and kicked it under a bush. He looked at John in a startled manner. John knew this would be his reaction, it was only natural as he thought he had been discovered. But John was prepared, he already had his packet of cigarettes held out in front of him.

  'Try one of these,' said John in a relaxed tone. It did the trick, Gary visibly relaxed. John had made an immediate connection.

  'Thanks, don't mind if I do,' said Gary taking one from the packet.

  John put a cigarette in his mouth and struck the lighter and held out the flame to Gary. He felt like they were two schoolboys hiding behind the sheds at lunchtime. It had the effect of binding them together as kindred spirits immediately.

  Gary took a deep drag and said 'I needed that. You gave me a bit of a shock there. Thought you were, well, you know…'

  'I know, it's getting so difficult to have an honest cigarette nowadays.'

  John took as shallower breath from the cigarette as he could get away with. It still had the effect of making him desperately want to cough. He could feel his throat convulsing as he tried to stop himself.

  'How's work?' said John, with the little breath he had left.

  Gary had never had people take as much interest in his work. He barely knew who this person was. Something to do with Sarah he thought. He gave the stock reply 'Oh, keeping me busy, you know.'

  John nodded.

  'Bet you have never worked with patients like these before?'

  'Oh the children aren’t that bad. I mean they never answer back!'

  'Or at all!' replied John.

  They both smiled at their shared joke.

  'You must get asked to do some pretty strange things working here?' said John.

  'Oh yes. But you would know about them wouldn't you?' replied Gary.

  'You would think so wouldn’t you. They don't tell me anything really,' said John with a weary truthfulness.

  'Always thought you lot stuck together and told each other everything, then, you know, just told the likes of us what to do next.'

  John smiled, this was going well, they were already bonding. 'Oh no, they keep me in the dark just as much as you.'

  'I bet you know more about what really goes on around here than I do,' said John, attempting to take another gulp of smoke in.

  John gratefully let out the smoke from his mouth and said 'Sarah and Helen seem as thick as thieves sometimes. They never tell me anything.'

  'Hardly seems fair,' said Gary.

  'I know, I know. Two onto one really,' said John.

  Gary smiled.

  John smiled back at him. He felt he had achieved as much as he could for now. He felt he had Gary on his side now.

  John gratefully stubbed out his cigarette and said 'Okay, see you next time and I'll listen to you complaining about your job.'

  'Sounds like a plan,' said Gary.

  John turned and left the courtyard. All he had to do now was learn how to smoke properly again.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  It was as if he had only just been discovered in the institute. As if he had been invisible before, or so Gary thought. For months he had quietly got on with his job, never troubled by the 'white coats' as he called them. And now they had deliberately sought him out. All very puzzling, but at the same time he didn't mind admitting that he felt a little pleased with the attention. He looked up at the clock, it was a couple of hours since his previous break and all this attention had meant that he needed something to calm him down. He was surprised to see Sarah standing in front of him.

  'Hi Sarah, bit early aren't you?'

  Sarah looked less assured than normal to Gary.

  She didn't reply and a silence began to build as she stood there in the doorway.

  It looked to Gary as if Sarah was trying to phrase something in her head before she said it. He waited patiently. Eventually she approached him, shut the door and said 'Do you think the children have settled in here at the institute?'

  Gary had no idea how to reply to that. But as he looked at Sarah's expression he knew that she had more to say.

  'I sometimes wonder if it would be beneficial if we could all get away from here, even if just for a few hours,' said Sarah.

  Gary was puzzled and his face didn't hide the fact. Was she suggesting they all went on holiday together?

  'But we all get away from the place in the evening. You don't stay h
ere overnight do you?' said Gary.

  'No, I didn't really mean it like that. I was thinking about all of us.'

  What did she mean? Was she suggesting that they all went out for a drink after work or something? Gary cautiously said 'Sort of a staff outing or something?' He was trying not to say something stupid.

  Sarah smiled. Gary suspected he hadn't avoided it well.

  'Yes, sort of, certainly some form of a trip,' said Sarah.

  Gary nodded, pleased that he seemed to have got something right.

  Sarah hesitated before saying 'But I wasn't actually thinking of a staff outing as such, more a..' and here she hesitated again, 'trip for the children.'

  The words hung heavily in the air. Gary wasn't sure he had understood her properly. She couldn't be suggesting what he thought she was could she?

  'A trip for, the children?' he said.

  Sarah nodded, almost too slightly to notice, but Gary was sure it was there.

  'Out under the noses of the media scrum out there?'

  She nodded again.

  'And how does the director feel about it?' said Gary.

  Sarah looked rather sheepishly at him.

  'So out under the noses of the institute as well,' said Gary.

  Well it would certainly be a challenge thought Gary. The idea was beginning to appeal to him.

  'That would take some doing,' he said, but he was already planning the logistics in his mind. 'Who else would be involved?'

  'Only a select few will know. Just you, me and Helen will be involved.'

  Gary felt pleased to be part of the chosen few.